Written by Sean Valant
Saturday, April 6th, 2013
You’ve seen in prior posts how unattended desks at the HostGator offices can become innocent victims to roaming gangs of hooligans armed with pads of post-it notes and bent upon the defacement of perfectly clean work areas. Well, it’s happened once again. And I’m taking it personally, mostly because it was my desk this time.
It all began when I was summoned out of town for a week, on official HostGator business. I received cryptic text messages throughout the week about a “surprise” that I would receive upon my return. Multiple people from multiple departments, acting so innocent and saying how jealous they were about my surprise, and how great of a surprise it was. Little did I know.
No reason to beat around the bush, we might as well just tear the band-aid off in one swift motion. So, here it is; this is what I found upon my return to the office, in all it’s glory:
It hurts even just to look at, I know. Since we’re already here, though, we might as well take this all in piece by piece. Hopefully we can find clues as to the identity of the culprit, or culprits. We must endeavor to put a stop to this once and for all! Let’s have a look from a different angle, maybe that will help us make some sense out of this tragic circumstance:
We’ve come to expect the excessive use of post-it notes, and balloons have even been known to appear from time to time. But tinsel? Tinsel! This is just getting out of hand. Tinsel was never intended to be used in this manner. Tinsel is supposed to be for celebrations! This is no celebration, not at all! And gift wrap! This is a travesty. Let’s look closer as this inappropriate use of tinsel and gift wrap:
The above image is what used to be my mouse. It was placed on a bed of post-its, under a layer of tinsel and then gift-wrapped (well, probably not in that order, likely it was gift-wrapped first, but I digress…). There’s simply no excuse for this sort of behavior, it’s un-called for! Speaking of inappropriate gift wrapping, here’s a couple pictures of my monitors:
To be fair, only one of them was gift-wrapped, the second monitor was pseudo gift-wrapped, but with file folders instead of wrapping paper. I assume either the culprits ran out of wrapping paper, or otherwise were attempting to send me a specific message of some sort. I’m working very closely with Gator CSI in order to determine exact nature of the cause of this misappropriation of file folders, but clearly this was the work of an experienced hooligan.
Moving right along across the desk, we come to the computer tower and telephone; both of which have been treated in a way unbecoming of a computer tower or a telephone. The decorative “Sean” artwork was pre-existing, but everything else shown in this picture likely makes your blood boil! On the right is the telephone, and it’s worth noting that the base and the receiver were both gift wrapped separately. Oh, the humanity!
Truth be told, to this day, the receiver remains still gift wrapped, and will remain so until these culprits are brought to justice! If you’re like me, this is almost too painful to continue, but let’s finish what we started and take a look under the desk:
You can’t really make out what the balloons say in the image above, but I’ll tell you what they say. They say “congratulations.” Congratulations. Clearly this message was hand-picked in order to rub salt in the already very, very painful wound. I have no choice but to keep an eye out around the office, after something like this you really just never know who you can trust. It’s heart-breaking, almost.
And then there was the chair. How can you mess with a man’s chair? To my knowledge, this is the first time a chair has ever been involved in a crime of this nature. “Have a Seat,” it says. Have a seat, indeed!
To show just how far-reaching the impact of these types of activities can be, I will now share with you a picture of what my desk looks like today. We are trying to rebuild, but we just don’t have the resources necessary to make a full recovery yet. It is a sad, sad work space these days:
As mentioned, the telephone receiver remains gift wrapped and there is still lingering tinsel. Not shown: a solitary balloon still under the desk. I don’t know if we’ll ever get rid of all the post-it notes, but at least the mouse has made a full recovery.
If you have any information as to the identities or whereabouts of those who committed this heinous crime, please notify your local authorities.
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, December 18th, 2012
The day began innocently enough, but things rapidly escalated. See, Snappy most often hangs out in one particular spot in the Houston office, as shown below. He seems to prefer this spot, it gives him a nice view of the fish tank to his right and he and Shelby can talk to each other all day; they keep each other entertained and they simply enjoy sharing their work day with each other. See how happy they are together:
However, on this day something was different. Snappy had found his way into the foyer of the Houston office, apparently in order to greet his colleagues on their way into work. Nothing wrong with that, as Snappy is well liked and always visible around the office. As the early morning faded towards lunch time, reports came in about how Snappy was now riding the elevators up and down, making small talk with everyone as they travelled between floors. Nothing exceptionally wrong with this circumstance, either.
Things began getting sketchy in the early afternoon, when no one had heard from or seen Snappy for a while. There wasn’t any immediate cause for alarm, as Snappy is a grown up (as far as we know) and always tends to eventually turn up in one place or another.
Then everything took a left turn. The following ransom note was found taped to a monitor on the 4th floor: “If you want to see Snappy again bring 1,000 marshmallows to the 3rd floor.”
Now, it’s a fact that that gators love marshmallows (google it). As such, we began to be concerned that this kidnapping may actually be an inside job. Also, the fact that the note instructed us to bring the ransom to the 3rd floor. These hooligans were right here in the building!
How sad Shelby was that Snappy had been abducted:
As we began preliminary plans to execute a rescue mission, another email was received with the following image:
Things just got real. They truly did have Snappy, in an undisclosed section of the 3rd floor of this very building. Amid the rush of adrenaline we were collectively experiencing, we began locking and loading our Nerf guns. Just as we were mounting up, another image was received:
Apparently Snappy had retaliated and attacked one of his captors! Snappy does not negotiate with terrorists. As we made our way to the 3rd floor, we were nearly trampled by Snappy’s former captors, running at full speed around the corner. We turned the aforementioned corner and saw the following:
Apparently, they had backed Snappy into this corner with no access to marshmallows, but curiously they gave him full access to a myriad of coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments:
The present whereabouts of the former captors remain a mystery. However, we apparently now have some current openings for System Administrators. If you know Linux and have an appreciation for coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments, then please consider coming to work with us. Attempting to abduct Snappy is, as always, at your own risk.
As evening set in, Snappy was escorted back to his proper place; he and Shelby lived happily ever after:
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, September 18th, 2012
We begin this episode of our Office Shenanigans series with the unfortunate circumstance of many of the office chairs apparently having grown sentient and deciding to surround one Gator, in particular. Many of us watched on, in stunned silence as this took place. You should know that the Gator in question was eventually able to escape (with much hilarity), and that no chairs were harmed… that day:
Much like the chairs, our elevators seems to sometimes have a mind of their own. Our elevators have been well documented on our blog and I’m beginning to think the level of infamy they have achieved is starting to go to their head, so to speak. When one of them recently decided to remain open on the 4th floor of the building, refusing to budge at all, a giant stuffed Snappy found it’s way into the the elevator to warn all other Gators from attempting to use the elevator in question:
I’m not sure if these next two pictures qualify as “shenanigans,” moreso than just “delicious.” We have many culinary-minded Gators, and both of these delectable treats were produced by the same individual. The first offering is a likeness of our beloved Snappy, created entirely out of various cheeses. This Snappy tasted fabulous on crackers!:
The final Gator-themed treat is, well, it’s a gator made out of bacon. Honestly, I’m not sure what else can be said about this, other than anything bacon-related is received rather well at the office, this gator was no exception to that:
That is a bacon “H” there in front of the gator. I couldn’t imagine spelling out an entire bacon HostGator, the logistics alone are daunting. Other than that, I really have no idea how to follow a bacon gator… so until next time!
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
It is true that, from time to time, a fair amount of shenanigans can take place in any given HostGator office. We work hard and we play hard; we wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes, these aforementioned shenanigans get photographically documented. On a long enough timeline, most of these photographs will find their way to me and thus will eventually end up here, for you.
Though I am gifted with the images, I am not always privy to the story behind the images. Such is the case with this first picture. Sam here is one of our developers. I’m going to ignore the fact that he appears to be wearing a pink snout with matching crown and instead focus on the other things shown in the picture. Notice the single-shot Nerf gun waiting at the ready directly in front of him. There is a dart in the chamber and you can see the gray firing mechanism at the bottom of the handle is engaged. Also notice that the upper corner of each of his monitors have been shot with darts; Sam has clearly come under (friendly?) fire which would explain his blatant display of firearm. I am unable to postulate a reasonable explanation for the disco ball box to his left, so I’ll just leave that alone. His geopolitical affiliations seem to be represented by a series of flags, though note that directly above him is his primary allegiance as displayed by the cut-out Snappy:
This next image, I just have no idea. Though wearing flip-flops to a battle to this nature might seem inadvisable, if you could shoot lightning out of your hand then perhaps you would also want to simply dress for comfort:
Zed here was a special guest one night, and sadly was only able to complete work on a single shift; aptly, it really truly was on the Graveyard shift. Of note, the Nerf dart affixed to his lanyard; apparently Zed took a shot in the back of the neck during his shift:
Does your office tend to stray into the ridiculous from time to time as well? Please tell us about it (or show us!) in the comments section.