Written by Sean Valant
Monday, November 12th, 2012
Several months ago an intruder made an attempt on the life of a Gator. Before we continue, I want to alleviate any concerns and assure you that despite the fact that another attempt was made to harm a Gator, that the attempt was once again thwarted. Don’t be worried, there’s no reason to make the children leave the room. Please continue reading.
As the sun rose on Halloween 2012, there was no idea the horrors that would manifest before sunset. It would be none other than our fearless leader, CEO Adam Farrar, who would come under attack on this day. The beast sent to destroy Adam would not have teeth, as our last intruder did, but would be of the winged and stinger variety. Fortunately for all of us, Snappy would be there to save the day… but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
If you recall from the blog addressing our prior attack, we are equipped to immediately dispatch a black ops-style task force to handle virtually any situation. Much to our dismay, it seems that our emergency response tactics have been studied! This time the attack was launched from within Adam’s own vehicle, effectively rendering us unable to dispatch our emergency response team! This ninja style attack was simply unprecedented.
There’s no telling how long the enemy laid in wait: hours, weeks… months? It’s clear that the attack was well-planned and slated to take place specifically on Halloween. See, one detail that has not yet been revealed is that, on this day, HostGator CEO Adam Farrar was dressed as a yellow Angry Bird:
What does Adam’s costume have to do with this story? Well, on one hand how many people get to see their boss dressed as an Angry Bird? On the other hand, it is quite clear that the enemy had been conducting intelligence gathering operations for quite some time; they knew that he would be in costume on this day and therefore somehow more vulnerable to their attack. Seems legit, right?
Where were we? Oh! So, there’s Adam driving himself home, surely obeying all local traffic laws; yielding the right-of-way as needed and so forth. Probably listening to an audio book while whistling a soft tune to himself. He’s completely unaware that his life is presently very much in danger.
The enemy attacks! There is a blur of yellow and black, immediately followed by a blur of blue! Blue? Where did that come from, what’s going on?!
Let’s slow down for a moment and view this event Matrix-style. As the (ya know… probably) killer bee finally reveals itself, his tiny bee eyes focused on Adam’s jugular and a single bead of sweat on his itty-bitty bee eyebrow, time has slowed to a crawl. Nothing but wicked intent reflects off of his wings as he moves in for the kill. This bee has trained since birth to accomplish this single goal. The brotherhood of bee assassins is no joke, their sworn oath is something to the effect of, like, “buzz, buzz-bzzzzzzzzz!”
Adam, being highly trained himself, immediately senses the danger and begins to flail his arms about uncontrollably. A single high-pitched shriek may (or may not) have been about to escape his lips when from the depths of the back seat Snappy leaps into action.
Unbeknownst to Adam, we have him under a 24-hour guard of an undisclosed number of elite Snappys, sworn to protect him at all costs.
It all happened so fast. As Snappy caught the intruder in his jaws, crushing the would-bee assassin… would-bee, get it?…he turned towards Adam, still mid-flight, the sun catching Snappy’s eye perfectly as he gave his boss a single wink and a thumbs-up, before landing on the dashboard as shown below, a hero:
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, September 18th, 2012
We begin this episode of our Office Shenanigans series with the unfortunate circumstance of many of the office chairs apparently having grown sentient and deciding to surround one Gator, in particular. Many of us watched on, in stunned silence as this took place. You should know that the Gator in question was eventually able to escape (with much hilarity), and that no chairs were harmed… that day:
Much like the chairs, our elevators seems to sometimes have a mind of their own. Our elevators have been well documented on our blog and I’m beginning to think the level of infamy they have achieved is starting to go to their head, so to speak. When one of them recently decided to remain open on the 4th floor of the building, refusing to budge at all, a giant stuffed Snappy found it’s way into the the elevator to warn all other Gators from attempting to use the elevator in question:
I’m not sure if these next two pictures qualify as “shenanigans,” moreso than just “delicious.” We have many culinary-minded Gators, and both of these delectable treats were produced by the same individual. The first offering is a likeness of our beloved Snappy, created entirely out of various cheeses. This Snappy tasted fabulous on crackers!:
The final Gator-themed treat is, well, it’s a gator made out of bacon. Honestly, I’m not sure what else can be said about this, other than anything bacon-related is received rather well at the office, this gator was no exception to that:
That is a bacon “H” there in front of the gator. I couldn’t imagine spelling out an entire bacon HostGator, the logistics alone are daunting. Other than that, I really have no idea how to follow a bacon gator… so until next time!
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, August 21st, 2012
The HostGator offices seem to foster the expression of creativity throughout. The works of art shared herein are all relatively new art installations within our respective thunderdomes. I have faith that my colleagues will continue to provide plenty of fodder for many more Office Art blog posts.
Our first piece here comes once again from the IT Department in the Houston office, whom you may remember also supplied us with the meme wall from Part I of our Office Art series. As with their last offering, this work of art is also shrouded in mystery. This piece can be best described as “fake deer head, wearing sunglasses and HostGator lanyard, accompanied by ‘forever alone guy’ meme.” Clearly, this is modern art. We cannot stress enough that the deer head here is made out of plastic, because we Gators do not harm living creatures.
Throughout our office, you’ll find conveniently located maps of the building that show you were you are and where the stairwells and fire exits are; standard fare for most office buildings:
These maps are fairly nondescript and likely don’t get noticed much. However, recently one of our Admins took notice not only to the map, but in the fact that our building shares it’s fundamental shape with, well, the B-2 Bomber. In order to illustrate this similarity, the following was thus posted directly beneath one of the office maps:
If nothing else, at least now we know which parts of our building are visible on radar and which parts aren’t.
Our next picture is of something that has been a staple at the Houston office for as long as anyone can remember, though we know not of its origins. This lil fella has been relocated from time to time, though he tends to hang out near one of the Supervisor stations. He has been adorned with the wig and beanie relatively recently, but the “Miss America” sash and WordPress button have been longtime accessories. Additionally, whenever stray money is found around the office, it generally ends up tucked into the diaper(?) there, with a total accumulation of about $8 thus far:
We will conclude this edition of our Office Art series with a trip back to Austin, where there seems to be an affinity for the egregious use of Post-It notes, as we have seen in prior blog posts. Once again, someone’s desk has been “customized” in their absense:
Stay tuned for future offerings in our gripping Office Art series.
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
It is true that, from time to time, a fair amount of shenanigans can take place in any given HostGator office. We work hard and we play hard; we wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes, these aforementioned shenanigans get photographically documented. On a long enough timeline, most of these photographs will find their way to me and thus will eventually end up here, for you.
Though I am gifted with the images, I am not always privy to the story behind the images. Such is the case with this first picture. Sam here is one of our developers. I’m going to ignore the fact that he appears to be wearing a pink snout with matching crown and instead focus on the other things shown in the picture. Notice the single-shot Nerf gun waiting at the ready directly in front of him. There is a dart in the chamber and you can see the gray firing mechanism at the bottom of the handle is engaged. Also notice that the upper corner of each of his monitors have been shot with darts; Sam has clearly come under (friendly?) fire which would explain his blatant display of firearm. I am unable to postulate a reasonable explanation for the disco ball box to his left, so I’ll just leave that alone. His geopolitical affiliations seem to be represented by a series of flags, though note that directly above him is his primary allegiance as displayed by the cut-out Snappy:
This next image, I just have no idea. Though wearing flip-flops to a battle to this nature might seem inadvisable, if you could shoot lightning out of your hand then perhaps you would also want to simply dress for comfort:
Zed here was a special guest one night, and sadly was only able to complete work on a single shift; aptly, it really truly was on the Graveyard shift. Of note, the Nerf dart affixed to his lanyard; apparently Zed took a shot in the back of the neck during his shift:
Does your office tend to stray into the ridiculous from time to time as well? Please tell us about it (or show us!) in the comments section.