Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, December 18th, 2012
The day began innocently enough, but things rapidly escalated. See, Snappy most often hangs out in one particular spot in the Houston office, as shown below. He seems to prefer this spot, it gives him a nice view of the fish tank to his right and he and Shelby can talk to each other all day; they keep each other entertained and they simply enjoy sharing their work day with each other. See how happy they are together:
However, on this day something was different. Snappy had found his way into the foyer of the Houston office, apparently in order to greet his colleagues on their way into work. Nothing wrong with that, as Snappy is well liked and always visible around the office. As the early morning faded towards lunch time, reports came in about how Snappy was now riding the elevators up and down, making small talk with everyone as they travelled between floors. Nothing exceptionally wrong with this circumstance, either.
Things began getting sketchy in the early afternoon, when no one had heard from or seen Snappy for a while. There wasn’t any immediate cause for alarm, as Snappy is a grown up (as far as we know) and always tends to eventually turn up in one place or another.
Then everything took a left turn. The following ransom note was found taped to a monitor on the 4th floor: “If you want to see Snappy again bring 1,000 marshmallows to the 3rd floor.”
Now, it’s a fact that that gators love marshmallows (google it). As such, we began to be concerned that this kidnapping may actually be an inside job. Also, the fact that the note instructed us to bring the ransom to the 3rd floor. These hooligans were right here in the building!
How sad Shelby was that Snappy had been abducted:
As we began preliminary plans to execute a rescue mission, another email was received with the following image:
Things just got real. They truly did have Snappy, in an undisclosed section of the 3rd floor of this very building. Amid the rush of adrenaline we were collectively experiencing, we began locking and loading our Nerf guns. Just as we were mounting up, another image was received:
Apparently Snappy had retaliated and attacked one of his captors! Snappy does not negotiate with terrorists. As we made our way to the 3rd floor, we were nearly trampled by Snappy’s former captors, running at full speed around the corner. We turned the aforementioned corner and saw the following:
Apparently, they had backed Snappy into this corner with no access to marshmallows, but curiously they gave him full access to a myriad of coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments:
The present whereabouts of the former captors remain a mystery. However, we apparently now have some current openings for System Administrators. If you know Linux and have an appreciation for coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments, then please consider coming to work with us. Attempting to abduct Snappy is, as always, at your own risk.
As evening set in, Snappy was escorted back to his proper place; he and Shelby lived happily ever after:
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, December 4th, 2012
Sometimes, things around the office have a tendency to take on a life of their own. Be it various decorations, or one particularly entertaining whiteboard that resides in the Migrations Department. Not to let these artistic endeavors remain simply inside of the building, one of the cars in the parking lot recently got in on the action as well:
While we’re on the subject of pieces of glass that have become works of art, here is a rather nice etched glass Snappy that was created by a HostGator employee:
This next picture is of the stuffed lil guy who now makes a return appearance to our Office Art series. Though it’s impossible to say whether or not the following is a direct result of him having appeared in the prior Office Art offering, his beanie has curiously been replaced by a Smurf and he seems to have earned a few more dollars as well. I’m looking forward to his next evolution, but here is how he stands at this time:
No telling in what form or configuration that above fella may next manifest, but I wouldn’t rule out a three-peat appearance in this Office Art series. When next we speak on this topic, I will introduce you to our beloved Lobby Gator.
Written by Sean Valant
Monday, November 12th, 2012
Several months ago an intruder made an attempt on the life of a Gator. Before we continue, I want to alleviate any concerns and assure you that despite the fact that another attempt was made to harm a Gator, that the attempt was once again thwarted. Don’t be worried, there’s no reason to make the children leave the room. Please continue reading.
As the sun rose on Halloween 2012, there was no idea the horrors that would manifest before sunset. It would be none other than our fearless leader, CEO Adam Farrar, who would come under attack on this day. The beast sent to destroy Adam would not have teeth, as our last intruder did, but would be of the winged and stinger variety. Fortunately for all of us, Snappy would be there to save the day… but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
If you recall from the blog addressing our prior attack, we are equipped to immediately dispatch a black ops-style task force to handle virtually any situation. Much to our dismay, it seems that our emergency response tactics have been studied! This time the attack was launched from within Adam’s own vehicle, effectively rendering us unable to dispatch our emergency response team! This ninja style attack was simply unprecedented.
There’s no telling how long the enemy laid in wait: hours, weeks… months? It’s clear that the attack was well-planned and slated to take place specifically on Halloween. See, one detail that has not yet been revealed is that, on this day, HostGator CEO Adam Farrar was dressed as a yellow Angry Bird:
What does Adam’s costume have to do with this story? Well, on one hand how many people get to see their boss dressed as an Angry Bird? On the other hand, it is quite clear that the enemy had been conducting intelligence gathering operations for quite some time; they knew that he would be in costume on this day and therefore somehow more vulnerable to their attack. Seems legit, right?
Where were we? Oh! So, there’s Adam driving himself home, surely obeying all local traffic laws; yielding the right-of-way as needed and so forth. Probably listening to an audio book while whistling a soft tune to himself. He’s completely unaware that his life is presently very much in danger.
The enemy attacks! There is a blur of yellow and black, immediately followed by a blur of blue! Blue? Where did that come from, what’s going on?!
Let’s slow down for a moment and view this event Matrix-style. As the (ya know… probably) killer bee finally reveals itself, his tiny bee eyes focused on Adam’s jugular and a single bead of sweat on his itty-bitty bee eyebrow, time has slowed to a crawl. Nothing but wicked intent reflects off of his wings as he moves in for the kill. This bee has trained since birth to accomplish this single goal. The brotherhood of bee assassins is no joke, their sworn oath is something to the effect of, like, “buzz, buzz-bzzzzzzzzz!”
Adam, being highly trained himself, immediately senses the danger and begins to flail his arms about uncontrollably. A single high-pitched shriek may (or may not) have been about to escape his lips when from the depths of the back seat Snappy leaps into action.
Unbeknownst to Adam, we have him under a 24-hour guard of an undisclosed number of elite Snappys, sworn to protect him at all costs.
It all happened so fast. As Snappy caught the intruder in his jaws, crushing the would-bee assassin… would-bee, get it?…he turned towards Adam, still mid-flight, the sun catching Snappy’s eye perfectly as he gave his boss a single wink and a thumbs-up, before landing on the dashboard as shown below, a hero:
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, September 18th, 2012
We begin this episode of our Office Shenanigans series with the unfortunate circumstance of many of the office chairs apparently having grown sentient and deciding to surround one Gator, in particular. Many of us watched on, in stunned silence as this took place. You should know that the Gator in question was eventually able to escape (with much hilarity), and that no chairs were harmed… that day:
Much like the chairs, our elevators seems to sometimes have a mind of their own. Our elevators have been well documented on our blog and I’m beginning to think the level of infamy they have achieved is starting to go to their head, so to speak. When one of them recently decided to remain open on the 4th floor of the building, refusing to budge at all, a giant stuffed Snappy found it’s way into the the elevator to warn all other Gators from attempting to use the elevator in question:
I’m not sure if these next two pictures qualify as “shenanigans,” moreso than just “delicious.” We have many culinary-minded Gators, and both of these delectable treats were produced by the same individual. The first offering is a likeness of our beloved Snappy, created entirely out of various cheeses. This Snappy tasted fabulous on crackers!:
The final Gator-themed treat is, well, it’s a gator made out of bacon. Honestly, I’m not sure what else can be said about this, other than anything bacon-related is received rather well at the office, this gator was no exception to that:
That is a bacon “H” there in front of the gator. I couldn’t imagine spelling out an entire bacon HostGator, the logistics alone are daunting. Other than that, I really have no idea how to follow a bacon gator… so until next time!