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May We See Your ID, Please? Part III

Written by Sean Valant

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Welcome to the third offering of our ever-expanding collection of fake IDs.  Posting these blogs seems to have no effect in deterring people from continuing to send us hilariously fake IDs in an effort to fraudulently acquire web hosting.  It is unfortunate that our industry is so ripe with this type of activity, but we remain vigilant in the prevention of fraudulent sign-ups.  Please enjoy these recent additions to our collection.

As we’ve explained before, if we have reason to believe that an account sign-up may be of a fraudulent nature, we will request that a Government-issued ID be sent in for verification purposes.  As was the case with “Heidi,” here:

 

If, after we receive the aforementioned ID, we then still have reason to believe that everything isn’t on the up-and-up, we will request that the individual then send in a picture of themselves holding their ID.  Again, here is “Heidi”:

 

Following the receipt of this image, we knew that “Heidi” was not legitimate, though I won’t reveal the multiple things that made this abundantly clear.  We then sent a reply back informing them of our decision to not host them, and included the following image, which we were able to easily locate via a quick image search:

 

Up next is Rebecca.  She chose to send us an oddly-angled image, though we were quite impressed to see that her license was issued at 2:53pm and has an expiration date of “never.”  Aside from her diaper restriction, she is also 19 1/2 feet tall, a “cute driver” and a “love donor”:

 

Despite having a New Jersey ID, as opposed to a Florida one like Rebecca there, Brian seems to have gotten the same deal on a never-expiring driver’s license.  Though Brian seems to have an extra feature: Full Time Baby Status, which is pretty legit.  He also lives on Baby Drive Street, also clearly legit.  The best part is that Brian’s signature consists entirely of little handprints:

 

This next ID is interesting and unique in that it simply doesn’t contain a picture at all, simply a blue box where the picture should be.  There’s various other things we could point out, like the new text in the fancy font clearly placed over the blurred out background… if not for our keen eye catching the blue rectangle though, this “Danmark” ID card might’ve slipped past us:

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Our celebrity portion begins with the “Driver’s International License” of one of the more well-known movie stars of yesteryear, Mr. Steve McQueen.  As shown by our past fake ID blog posts, celebrities will stop at nothing to acquire web hosting, even returning from beyond the grave:

 

Well, I’m not too sure what to say about Jude Law here.  I’ll be honest, when this ID was sent to me, I didn’t realize this was a celebrity.  Admittedly, it was a female colleague who revealed to me that this was, in fact, an actor named Jude Law.  You now have full disclosure on this particular ID.  However, Jude if you want web hosting from Hostgator, we’re going to need to see a legitimate ID, sir:

 

Thus concludes our most recent collection of fake IDs. Surely we’ll be back with more of these before too terribly long. In the meantime, feel safe in the thought that we remain vigilant in our mission to prevent fraudulent sign ups. HostGator: keeping the internet safe from fraud since 2002!

Office Art, part V

Written by Sean Valant

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

Well, for better or worse, the fine art of modifying someone’s desk in their absence has escalated.  At this point, I’m not sure if this activity should be filed under our Office Shenanigans or if it’s become it’s own art form, therefore qualifying it as Office Art.  Let’s go ahead and call it art.

Every picture from this post comes from our Houston offices.  Although Houston clearly lacks the Post-It note budget that Austin has, we do seem to have compensated for that fact by attaching random objects to computer screens, including snack food items.  Here we see a nice array of potato chips and crackers, also a granola bar.  Is that a high-heel shoe tape dispenser?  I’m not sure if that belongs to the owner of the desk or was also placed there as part of the joke:

 

Upon seeing this next picture, I was slightly confused. There appears to be many secret messages conveyed herein. For example, the message left on the screen itself appears to be “Uhhhh… Nanha!” Was this a secret code of some sort? Maybe an inside joke?  Speaking of secret codes, let’s take a closer look at the upper left-hand of the image.  I see what appears to be a drawing of an airplane, a plus sign and a pineapple.  Below that there is an equals sign, and below that the last part of what must be an equation of some sort… scissors and a can of peas?  So, airplane plus pineapple equals scissors plus peas.  This is clearly some sort of coded message, likely requiring a decoder ring in order to be deciphered… we may never know:

 

As for this next image. I don’t even know where to start.  I think I’ll just point out the fact that a statue of a gator seems to have been attached to the wall via an audio cable.  Clearly the aforementioned gator is also wearing a birthday hat.  When you boils it all down, this picture really just doesn’t make any sense at all:

 

Our final three images contain a theme: when Post-Its meet computer screens.  This first one doesn’t seem to have any easily-discernible message; basically looks like a lot of random hieroglyphics.  Someone did clearly take the time to properly space each Post-It note evenly, so points for neatness here:

 

Here we have another thoroughly covered screen, this time with an actual read-able message: “Have a Great Day!”  It’s always nice to be left encouraging notes.  Is that a drawing of perhaps a gentleman in a hula skirt?:

 

Our final image here combines virtually all of the qualities of the prior images.  It’s arguably a perfect storm of desk defacement: Post-Its, snack foods, office supplies, and various condiments all attached to computer screens:

 

Clearly some of the equipment in the above images is being used in a manner that was perhaps not intended by it’s manufacturers.  As such, HostGator cannot be held liable for any adverse circumstances resulting from your attempts to attach snack foods to your computer screens.  Please play practical jokes at your own risk.

Office Shenanigans, part III: Snappy Gets Kidnapped

Written by Sean Valant

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

The day began innocently enough, but things rapidly escalated.  See, Snappy most often hangs out in one particular spot in the Houston office, as shown below.  He seems to prefer this spot, it gives him a nice view of the fish tank to his right and he and Shelby can talk to each other all day; they keep each other entertained and they simply enjoy sharing their work day with each other.  See how happy they are together:

 

However, on this day something was different.  Snappy had found his way into the foyer of the Houston office, apparently in order to greet his colleagues on their way into work.  Nothing wrong with that, as Snappy is well liked and always visible around the office.  As the early morning faded towards lunch time, reports came in about how Snappy was now riding the elevators up and down, making small talk with everyone as they travelled between floors.  Nothing exceptionally wrong with this circumstance, either.

Things began getting sketchy in the early afternoon, when no one had heard from or seen Snappy for a while.  There wasn’t any immediate cause for alarm, as Snappy is a grown up (as far as we know) and always tends to eventually turn up in one place or another.

Then everything took a left turn.  The following ransom note was found taped to a monitor on the 4th floor: “If you want to see Snappy again bring 1,000 marshmallows to the 3rd floor.”

 

Now, it’s a fact that that gators love marshmallows (google it).  As such, we began to be concerned that this kidnapping may actually be an inside job.  Also, the fact that the note instructed us to bring the ransom to the 3rd floor.  These hooligans were right here in the building!

How sad Shelby was that Snappy had been abducted:

 

As we began preliminary plans to execute a rescue mission, another email was received with the following image:

 

Things just got real. They truly did have Snappy, in an undisclosed section of the 3rd floor of this very building. Amid the rush of adrenaline we were collectively experiencing, we began locking and loading our Nerf guns. Just as we were mounting up, another image was received:

 

Apparently Snappy had retaliated and attacked one of his captors! Snappy does not negotiate with terrorists. As we made our way to the 3rd floor, we were nearly trampled by Snappy’s former captors, running at full speed around the corner. We turned the aforementioned corner and saw the following:

 

Apparently, they had backed Snappy into this corner with no access to marshmallows, but curiously they gave him full access to a myriad of coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments:

 

The present whereabouts of the former captors remain a mystery. However, we apparently now have some current openings for System Administrators. If you know Linux and have an appreciation for coffee filters, dipping sauces, assorted seasoning and various other condiments, then please consider coming to work with us. Attempting to abduct Snappy is, as always, at your own risk.

As evening set in, Snappy was escorted back to his proper place; he and Shelby lived happily ever after:

Office Art, part III

Written by Sean Valant

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Sometimes, things around the office have a tendency to take on a life of their own.  Be it various decorations, or one particularly entertaining whiteboard that resides in the Migrations Department.  Not to let these artistic endeavors remain simply inside of the building, one of the cars in the parking lot recently got in on the action as well:

 

While we’re on the subject of pieces of glass that have become works of art, here is a rather nice etched glass Snappy that was created by a HostGator employee:

 

This next picture is of the stuffed lil guy who now makes a return appearance to our Office Art series.  Though it’s impossible to say whether or not the following is a direct result of him having appeared in the prior Office Art offering, his beanie has curiously been replaced by a Smurf and he seems to have earned a few more dollars as well.  I’m looking forward to his next evolution, but here is how he stands at this time:

 

No telling in what form or configuration that above fella may next manifest, but I wouldn’t rule out a three-peat appearance in this Office Art series.  When next we speak on this topic, I will introduce you to our beloved Lobby Gator.

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