Written by Sean Valant
Thursday, September 19th, 2013
Arrrrggghhhhh!!! Avast all ye skallywags and sea-wenches! This be a very special day, yes it do! Wednesday, September 19th be “International Talk Like a Pirate Day!” It be a very special day! For on this day we asked ourselves a question, and to our own surprise that question was not “where be the rum?!”
No, for on this day we asked ourselves “what be the most ‘pirate’ discount that we could be giving?” The answer became clear, as if it t’was delivered upon our shoulder by our own parrot, aye! The most “pirate” discount was none other than 44.44% off all new hosting packages. Ahoy! That be 44.44rrrrrrr percent, matey! And it be off the first invoice only, what means is the longer billing cycle you choose, the more savings you get, aye!
This discount be valid on any new hosting package, yes it do. It don’t be valid for renewals or extensions of existing hosting packages. To take advantage of this offer (today only), simply use the followin’ coupon code: ARRRSNAP
After settlin’ on that, we then thought to ourselves that discounted domains go mighty fine with discounted hosting, yes they do. They go together just as well as plunderin’ do with pillagin’! As such, we decided to make all new .com/.net/.org/.biz/.info domains only $5 today!
Now, these deals they don’t be lastin’ long; they be pullin’ anchor and settin’ sail for the horizon at 11:59PM CST tonight!
Written by Sean Valant
Saturday, April 6th, 2013
You’ve seen in prior posts how unattended desks at the HostGator offices can become innocent victims to roaming gangs of hooligans armed with pads of post-it notes and bent upon the defacement of perfectly clean work areas. Well, it’s happened once again. And I’m taking it personally, mostly because it was my desk this time.
It all began when I was summoned out of town for a week, on official HostGator business. I received cryptic text messages throughout the week about a “surprise” that I would receive upon my return. Multiple people from multiple departments, acting so innocent and saying how jealous they were about my surprise, and how great of a surprise it was. Little did I know.
No reason to beat around the bush, we might as well just tear the band-aid off in one swift motion. So, here it is; this is what I found upon my return to the office, in all it’s glory:
It hurts even just to look at, I know. Since we’re already here, though, we might as well take this all in piece by piece. Hopefully we can find clues as to the identity of the culprit, or culprits. We must endeavor to put a stop to this once and for all! Let’s have a look from a different angle, maybe that will help us make some sense out of this tragic circumstance:
We’ve come to expect the excessive use of post-it notes, and balloons have even been known to appear from time to time. But tinsel? Tinsel! This is just getting out of hand. Tinsel was never intended to be used in this manner. Tinsel is supposed to be for celebrations! This is no celebration, not at all! And gift wrap! This is a travesty. Let’s look closer as this inappropriate use of tinsel and gift wrap:
The above image is what used to be my mouse. It was placed on a bed of post-its, under a layer of tinsel and then gift-wrapped (well, probably not in that order, likely it was gift-wrapped first, but I digress…). There’s simply no excuse for this sort of behavior, it’s un-called for! Speaking of inappropriate gift wrapping, here’s a couple pictures of my monitors:
To be fair, only one of them was gift-wrapped, the second monitor was pseudo gift-wrapped, but with file folders instead of wrapping paper. I assume either the culprits ran out of wrapping paper, or otherwise were attempting to send me a specific message of some sort. I’m working very closely with Gator CSI in order to determine exact nature of the cause of this misappropriation of file folders, but clearly this was the work of an experienced hooligan.
Moving right along across the desk, we come to the computer tower and telephone; both of which have been treated in a way unbecoming of a computer tower or a telephone. The decorative “Sean” artwork was pre-existing, but everything else shown in this picture likely makes your blood boil! On the right is the telephone, and it’s worth noting that the base and the receiver were both gift wrapped separately. Oh, the humanity!
Truth be told, to this day, the receiver remains still gift wrapped, and will remain so until these culprits are brought to justice! If you’re like me, this is almost too painful to continue, but let’s finish what we started and take a look under the desk:
You can’t really make out what the balloons say in the image above, but I’ll tell you what they say. They say “congratulations.” Congratulations. Clearly this message was hand-picked in order to rub salt in the already very, very painful wound. I have no choice but to keep an eye out around the office, after something like this you really just never know who you can trust. It’s heart-breaking, almost.
And then there was the chair. How can you mess with a man’s chair? To my knowledge, this is the first time a chair has ever been involved in a crime of this nature. “Have a Seat,” it says. Have a seat, indeed!
To show just how far-reaching the impact of these types of activities can be, I will now share with you a picture of what my desk looks like today. We are trying to rebuild, but we just don’t have the resources necessary to make a full recovery yet. It is a sad, sad work space these days:
As mentioned, the telephone receiver remains gift wrapped and there is still lingering tinsel. Not shown: a solitary balloon still under the desk. I don’t know if we’ll ever get rid of all the post-it notes, but at least the mouse has made a full recovery.
If you have any information as to the identities or whereabouts of those who committed this heinous crime, please notify your local authorities.
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, February 5th, 2013
Welcome to the third offering of our ever-expanding collection of fake IDs. Posting these blogs seems to have no effect in deterring people from continuing to send us hilariously fake IDs in an effort to fraudulently acquire web hosting. It is unfortunate that our industry is so ripe with this type of activity, but we remain vigilant in the prevention of fraudulent sign-ups. Please enjoy these recent additions to our collection.
As we’ve explained before, if we have reason to believe that an account sign-up may be of a fraudulent nature, we will request that a Government-issued ID be sent in for verification purposes. As was the case with “Heidi,” here:
If, after we receive the aforementioned ID, we then still have reason to believe that everything isn’t on the up-and-up, we will request that the individual then send in a picture of themselves holding their ID. Again, here is “Heidi”:
Following the receipt of this image, we knew that “Heidi” was not legitimate, though I won’t reveal the multiple things that made this abundantly clear. We then sent a reply back informing them of our decision to not host them, and included the following image, which we were able to easily locate via a quick image search:
Up next is Rebecca. She chose to send us an oddly-angled image, though we were quite impressed to see that her license was issued at 2:53pm and has an expiration date of “never.” Aside from her diaper restriction, she is also 19 1/2 feet tall, a “cute driver” and a “love donor”:
Despite having a New Jersey ID, as opposed to a Florida one like Rebecca there, Brian seems to have gotten the same deal on a never-expiring driver’s license. Though Brian seems to have an extra feature: Full Time Baby Status, which is pretty legit. He also lives on Baby Drive Street, also clearly legit. The best part is that Brian’s signature consists entirely of little handprints:
This next ID is interesting and unique in that it simply doesn’t contain a picture at all, simply a blue box where the picture should be. There’s various other things we could point out, like the new text in the fancy font clearly placed over the blurred out background… if not for our keen eye catching the blue rectangle though, this “Danmark” ID card might’ve slipped past us:
Our celebrity portion begins with the “Driver’s International License” of one of the more well-known movie stars of yesteryear, Mr. Steve McQueen. As shown by our past fake ID blog posts, celebrities will stop at nothing to acquire web hosting, even returning from beyond the grave:
Well, I’m not too sure what to say about Jude Law here. I’ll be honest, when this ID was sent to me, I didn’t realize this was a celebrity. Admittedly, it was a female colleague who revealed to me that this was, in fact, an actor named Jude Law. You now have full disclosure on this particular ID. However, Jude if you want web hosting from Hostgator, we’re going to need to see a legitimate ID, sir:
Thus concludes our most recent collection of fake IDs. Surely we’ll be back with more of these before too terribly long. In the meantime, feel safe in the thought that we remain vigilant in our mission to prevent fraudulent sign ups. HostGator: keeping the internet safe from fraud since 2002!
Written by Sean Valant
Tuesday, January 29th, 2013
Well, for better or worse, the fine art of modifying someone’s desk in their absence has escalated. At this point, I’m not sure if this activity should be filed under our Office Shenanigans or if it’s become it’s own art form, therefore qualifying it as Office Art. Let’s go ahead and call it art.
Every picture from this post comes from our Houston offices. Although Houston clearly lacks the Post-It note budget that Austin has, we do seem to have compensated for that fact by attaching random objects to computer screens, including snack food items. Here we see a nice array of potato chips and crackers, also a granola bar. Is that a high-heel shoe tape dispenser? I’m not sure if that belongs to the owner of the desk or was also placed there as part of the joke:
Upon seeing this next picture, I was slightly confused. There appears to be many secret messages conveyed herein. For example, the message left on the screen itself appears to be “Uhhhh… Nanha!” Was this a secret code of some sort? Maybe an inside joke? Speaking of secret codes, let’s take a closer look at the upper left-hand of the image. I see what appears to be a drawing of an airplane, a plus sign and a pineapple. Below that there is an equals sign, and below that the last part of what must be an equation of some sort… scissors and a can of peas? So, airplane plus pineapple equals scissors plus peas. This is clearly some sort of coded message, likely requiring a decoder ring in order to be deciphered… we may never know:
As for this next image. I don’t even know where to start. I think I’ll just point out the fact that a statue of a gator seems to have been attached to the wall via an audio cable. Clearly the aforementioned gator is also wearing a birthday hat. When you boils it all down, this picture really just doesn’t make any sense at all:
Our final three images contain a theme: when Post-Its meet computer screens. This first one doesn’t seem to have any easily-discernible message; basically looks like a lot of random hieroglyphics. Someone did clearly take the time to properly space each Post-It note evenly, so points for neatness here:
Here we have another thoroughly covered screen, this time with an actual read-able message: “Have a Great Day!” It’s always nice to be left encouraging notes. Is that a drawing of perhaps a gentleman in a hula skirt?:
Our final image here combines virtually all of the qualities of the prior images. It’s arguably a perfect storm of desk defacement: Post-Its, snack foods, office supplies, and various condiments all attached to computer screens:
Clearly some of the equipment in the above images is being used in a manner that was perhaps not intended by it’s manufacturers. As such, HostGator cannot be held liable for any adverse circumstances resulting from your attempts to attach snack foods to your computer screens. Please play practical jokes at your own risk.