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An Intruder, part II

Written by Sean Valant

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Several months ago an intruder made an attempt on the life of a Gator. Before we continue, I want to alleviate any concerns and assure you that despite the fact that another attempt was made to harm a Gator, that the attempt was once again thwarted.  Don’t be worried, there’s no reason to make the children leave the room.  Please continue reading.

As the sun rose on Halloween 2012, there was no idea the horrors that would manifest before sunset.  It would be none other than our fearless leader, CEO Adam Farrar, who would come under attack on this day.  The beast sent to destroy Adam would not have teeth, as our last intruder did, but would be of the winged and stinger variety.  Fortunately for all of us, Snappy would be there to save the day… but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

If you recall from the blog addressing our prior attack, we are equipped to immediately dispatch a black ops-style task force to handle virtually any situation.  Much to our dismay, it seems that our emergency response tactics have been studied!  This time the attack was launched from within Adam’s own vehicle, effectively rendering us unable to dispatch our emergency response team!  This ninja style attack was simply unprecedented.

There’s no telling how long the enemy laid in wait: hours, weeks… months?  It’s clear that the attack was well-planned and slated to take place specifically on Halloween.  See, one detail that has not yet been revealed is that, on this day, HostGator CEO Adam Farrar was dressed as a yellow Angry Bird:

 

What does Adam’s costume have to do with this story? Well, on one hand how many people get to see their boss dressed as an Angry Bird?  On the other hand, it is quite clear that the enemy had been conducting intelligence gathering operations for quite some time; they knew that he would be in costume on this day and therefore somehow more vulnerable to their attack.  Seems legit, right?

Where were we? Oh! So, there’s Adam driving himself home, surely obeying all local traffic laws; yielding the right-of-way as needed and so forth.  Probably listening to an audio book while whistling a soft tune to himself.  He’s completely unaware that his life is presently very much in danger.

The enemy attacks!  There is a blur of yellow and black, immediately followed by a blur of blue!  Blue?  Where did that come from, what’s going on?!

Let’s slow down for a moment and view this event Matrix-style.  As the (ya know… probably) killer bee finally reveals itself, his tiny bee eyes focused on Adam’s jugular and a single bead of sweat on his itty-bitty bee eyebrow, time has slowed to a crawl.  Nothing but wicked intent reflects off of his wings as he moves in for the kill.  This bee has trained since birth to accomplish this single goal.  The brotherhood of bee assassins is no joke, their sworn oath is something to the effect of, like, “buzz, buzz-bzzzzzzzzz!”

Adam, being highly trained himself, immediately senses the danger and begins to flail his arms about uncontrollably.  A single high-pitched shriek may (or may not) have been about to escape his lips when from the depths of the back seat Snappy leaps into action.

Unbeknownst to Adam, we have him under a 24-hour guard of an undisclosed number of elite Snappys, sworn to protect him at all costs.

It all happened so fast.  As Snappy caught the intruder in his jaws, crushing the would-bee assassin… would-bee, get it?…he turned towards Adam, still mid-flight, the sun catching Snappy’s eye perfectly as he gave his boss a single wink and a thumbs-up, before landing on the dashboard as shown below, a hero:

Posted in

Comedy, Random
Comments

4 Responses to An Intruder, part II

  1. shanti says:

    Great Happy New Year HostGator

  2. Josh Morales says:

    You guys hands down have the worlds worst customer service. I’m the CEO of 2 mid to large size companies and you have taken hours upon hours away from me. Dealing with your customer service team is an absolute joke. They never get done what they say they will, in fact I ad the kid promise me he would get it done and still he didnt. You lost me as a customer and I will be letting people know not to use you guys.

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